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I both Hate and Love my thoughts. I'll admit sometimes it's hard to focus, but it's also a driving force and a motivation, a sick double sided coin. I'd be more worried about it probably but I know thoughts plague her just as much as I (if not more) Lord knows she's proven that... And I do take comfort in that. This little number's a keeper... I keep playing it on repeat... (like my thoughts) I'll be the grapes fermented, Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit Like a perfect gentlemen I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick Where you will sit and contemplate your day I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep... I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you... You won't have to strain to look into my eyes I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zippedstraight to the throat With the collar up so you won't catch a cold I want to take you far from the cynics int his town And kiss you on the mouth We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene, Start a brand new colony Where everything will change, We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased) The sun will hear the grounds Under our bare feet in this brand new colony Everything will change, oOo oOo... "Brand New Colony" - The Postal Service ...okay back to work! Tags: life, love, lyrics, the postal service, thoughts
Current Location: San Jose, CA
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: The Postal Service/Death Cab for Cutie/All-Star Quarterback
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The thought just occured to me that I am very happy right now. And not just because I am eating a grilled cheese sandwich and drinking some awesome tea (great idea btw), or the fact that I just totally got inspired through a rather unexpected conversation with one of my favorite teacher this morning, no. I'm happy with a part of my life that I haven't actually been happy with for a long time. Most of you being my super close friends you all know what I'm talking about, but even if you're not on the inside I'm sure it's not too difficult to figure out what I'm talking about. I have something in that vacant space I've had for a while now, and no it's not filling that place but it is a place holder and it is something, and thats good. I mean sure the whole situation is maybe not ideal as most people see it but, it is definately something and I can definately say we're both really happy with that something. Like cooking, like drawing like everything in life... this too is something that quality matters over quantity and I realize that. And I smile. I don't know where this will go or when and how long it will take but all of that doesn't matter much at all. (dispite some firends opinions on the situation.) And I don't hold this against them, no they're just looking out for me and want the best for me and trying to help with anything they can say to help but *shrugs* its not neccisary, as of right now I'm happy, and thats all that matters yeah? :) Tags: advice, friends, happy, life, love
Current Location: San Jose, CA
Current Mood:  happy
Current Music: Tegan & Sara
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Cold Tea is the complete manifistation of everything I dislike. Probably because it is the opposite of one of the things in this world that I've truly grown to love. The dark half-empty puddle formed in my extra large cup sits there mocking me. Almost as if saying "oh sure, I was delicious but you nodded off and forgot about me and now I am dreadful." The oversaturated teabag still sits in the bitter swamp, it's tag and string hanging limply over the side as if frozen from a last-ditch attempt to call for help, calling fo anyone to save it. No one did. It's far different than Iced tea, Iced tea has intention. Iced tea it was purposefully created with the intention of being cold and that is justified (asuming you're in the mood for it) But cold tea is an abomination, the complete and utter dissapointment as a result of a failed experiment or the snotty kid you raised via lack of putting in the attention to give him a good upbringing. I had a friend who used to say that drinking the cold tea you forgot about was part of the natural process for tea. She said it went hand in hand with drinking hot tea, there were going to be days where you're so lost in thought that you forgot about the pleasure in a cup that you just spent time preparing. She would awlays gulp down the ugly room temperature liquid right in front of my eyes, then encouraging me to do the same with a smile. I think about all this as I pour the remains of the cup down the drain. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---- So dispite what you read above I'm not in a bad mood or sad or anythign I just felt like writing something "moody" after kind of being inspired by a combination of reading some of my cousin's stuff and the world's bestseller. I apologize it's been far too long since I've updated, and not because I got nothing to say, no it seems like I could write pages on everysingle day that passes (trust me I won't) but I've been so busy focusing on my work that internet time is always one of the first things that gets cut (for good reason) but I do promise to return and soon, just as soon as I figure out how to work it into my schedule better (maybe I'll only find time to post on furlough days lol) X_X; Tags: friends, life, mood, story, tea, writing
Current Location: My Appartmen!!
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Cantoma/Rodrigo y Gabriella
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So I know its been forever and believe me it's not because I have nothing going on to talk about quite the contrary... but things are still really hectic and deadlines and things I have to complete are still hanging over my head so instead of catching up on a summary of events since you last listened to me (believe me that will come soon also...) instead of all that I'm going to write a story.... a story about hue. This is a story about hue. (great start I know...) If you don't know what the word "hue" means exactly look it up but to put it simply "hue" is for most purposes the word that people should use instead of using the word "color" (or "colour" if you're british...) xD But mostly this is a story of one hue specifically. This is a story of a boy, this boy is the color Orange. Now it shouldn't take anyone reading this half a thought to figure out who Orange is but just for the sake of this story lets pretend you have no idea and just listen to the story about the hue and try not to figure out the people who might be behind the colors. Okay moving on... This boy Orange has horrible luck with the abstract (but very crucial) thing we call love. And maybe that's his biggest flaw, more his flaw than anyone elses but regardless this is about Orange's love life and not much else... so deal with it. ;D Orange never had much luck in the field of love his whole younger life for various reasons but mostly his faults one could say... but as a result he didn't even have much oppertunity (which actually is quite crucial) but dispite this Orange was quite happy he had a great life a great upbringing not much you could really complain about... and he was well loved in other ways he had a circle of friends very dear to him and was held in high regards by these people... but as Orange finished his 'manditory' schooling and moved on to the optional part of his education and future career he realized he just wanted to get out. For many reasons but maybe the biggest truthfully was to get away from his family. Although Orange loved his family and they treated him well they were all well... Pastel hues and Orange definately was not. And not just for this reason but definately motivated by this he decided to go far away... (Orange also really believed in signs and saw a lot of signs telling him to leave too truthfully...) And this was no little decision Orange could pretty much go anywhere he wanted and many people didn't know why he would go so far away... he had a good life, a good family, and great friends why would he turn his back on all of this familiarity and just go into the unknown? Even Orange had to wonder if he was crazy but in the end he made his decision and went for it. The hardest thing for Orange about leaving though was that after he made all the plans to leave and all the decisions were made he met a girl. Only a friend at first actually the sister of a friend first truthfully... but she quickly became more than that... This girl Yellow was a good match for Orange or so everyone seemed to think but through a long chain of events and 3 reasons in particular (which I won't address here again...) Orange didn't end up with Yellow and Yellow got with Orange's best friend Purple. And things were hard for a while between the three but in the end it all was fine and Orange and Purple became closer because of it. But The reason I start with Yellow is she is the first one to ever to openly show Orange affection the same way he has historically always given but never seen returned. But the time came and Orange went away leaving Yellow and Purple and everything he was sure of and everything he knew before to try something new and go to the heart of the unknown (all because of some signs... sheez what a choice) but it was for the better as Orange found direction for his life in this new land of the unknown. The first girl that Orange really met in this new land was Green. Green quickly became Oranges new best friend in this exciting and terrifying new land, but it's safe to say that both Orange and Green really needed each other. Orange fell really hard for Green and quickly donned "Rose-Colored Glasses" (which distort hues and colors to things they arent...) and soon thinking that Green was "The One." Now Orange and Green were best of friends had a lot in common with each other and weird qurirkly similarites in their pasts and also could pretty much read each others minds... but they were just that, best of friends. And the reason they stayed that way was Green had somebody else already. Not long before Orange came along Green had Blue-Green "fall into her lap" and even though he wasn't directly in Green's life everyday like Orange was, he was there and Orange knew this and dared not cross that line. All the while still thinking she was "The One" this ate Orange up inside more and more every day because like I said he wouldn't ever cross that line and he could tell anything to Green everything except that one simple thing that every boy yearns to tell a girl, because that would be crossing the line (even though he figured Green already knew...) Orange had never met Blue-Green but he was pretty sure he didn't like him. So for well over a year Orange suffered with his "Rose-Colored Glasses" on the whole while thinking about things he should and thinking about how f-ed up his luck and his situation was but never daring to cross that line. Eventually it became very clear to Orange that Blue-Green was not going anywhere and was only going to become a bigger part of Green's life and that Orange really didn't fit in the picture like he imagined with is "Rose-Colored Glasses" on. Orange really beat himself up over his disallusions and eventually it got to a point where both Green and Orange knew what each other was thinking and then talked about it and though it was hard for both sides (for different reasons) they realized this is how it was and decided to be closer friends because of it. After this Orange and Green actually drifted pretty far apart unfortunately and had lots of miscommunication and long periods of not even talking definately a hard time between friends. Maybe both were at fault but I personally think Orange could be blamed for most of this pain and trouble between good friends. But as Breda's Law states: "Things have to get worse before they get better" and also as Orange believes Everything Happens for a Reason and wouldn't you know it all this eventually only strengthened the friendship of Orange and Green to the point I don't think much of anything could break that up now. But that's jumping ahead a bit... During one of these extended breaks when he was not even talking to Green, Orange started spending a lot of time with a girl named Forest Green. Forest Green and Orange on the outside couldnt be more different based on outward appearance and general interests most people would never guess Forest Green and Orange could even be casual friends none-the-less such great of friends as they became... but that was all on the outside inside Orange found that Forest Green and him had a ridiculous amount of things in common suprisingly. Needless to say Forest Green quickly became close friends with Orange and they spent night and day together (but mosty nights) based originally situationally and then because they both made the effort to spend time lots of extra time with each other (sometimes very exclusively) But the weird thing is that Orange saw Forest Green as more of a sibling than anything else... the younger sister he never had, I'm not going to say there was never any attraction there but Forest Green quickly became someone Orange would never think of like that, and as a result hanging out with Forest Green did help him get over Green but not fully... to do that he had to fall again for someone else and point those "Rose-Colored Glasses" in another direction. About this time Pink came into Orange's life. Orange tried really hard to bring Pink into his circle of friends too this was no small effort on Orange's end... Orange fell for Pink and really hard. There was a lot of things Pink had in common with Orange again very scary and very kool for the fact that Orange could connect and had a great time hanging out with Pink. There was a lot of reasons why Orange couldn't hook up with Pink but the biggest was because Pink had her on set of tinted glasses on and hers were looking in a different direction than Orange. Orange quickly realized one of the main reasons Pink would accept his invitations to hang out and do things with his group was not because she liked him like that but because it could help her get closer to the one on her mind... Blue. Now I don't mean Pink was scheming or using Orange at all but Orange quickly figured out that she didn't see him as anything more than a friend with common interests and goals, but knowing this Orange was still hung up on her to say the least. Blue was pretty much everything Orange wasn't and the worst part is he didn't seem to return Pink's affection at all... so as Orange and Pink got to the point of discussing her interest in Blue it only made the situation worse for Orange as he dug himself deeper into that "friend role" which he didn't excatly want to be in and definately didn't help him on the romantic front. And retrospectively he made it painfully obvious that he liked her to the point that it seemed to him that all of his and her friends knew it pretty much everyone knew of Orange's interest in Pink it seemed except Pink herself. That didn't help. One really good thing to come out of Orange's interest in Pink is that he finally got over Green and as mentioned above this is where they made up and are now in an unbreakable state... :) But as the second year in his unknown land ended it was time for Orange to go back home and leave his new land for a little while living again with his pastel family not a bad thing but he just had to deal with it for a couple months before he could go back up to his special land again. During this time Orange had no plans for finding or looking for love at all just self improvement and personal betterment but as I'm sure you wouldn't be suprised by things just kind of have a way of crossing your path in life, some quicker than others. When Orange left his land he was still hung up on Pink truthfully but had come to terms with the fact that they weren't going to get together at least anywhere in the near future... While on this break from where he wanted to be spent in his original land Orange met two new hues who caught his attention in a suprisingly short amount of time. The first one I will mention was Red-Orange. Red-Orange really suprised Orange the chances of them meeting seemed rediculously small and Orange really wanted to believe that them meeting really had some spectacular reason or deeper meaning behind it because they were so similar and seemed to have such close to parallel lives. But apparently Orange was wrong because Red-Orange already had a God-knows-what hue already in her life and the news of this officially crushed any deeper meanings that Orange had assigned to her. Orange still belives their lives will cross again and the real reason for their meeting will come to clarity someday... but only time will tell. The other hue that Orange met around this time is a girl named Yellow-Green. The situation with Yellow-Green and Orange is quite an ironic one because Orange was really hung up on Red-Orange when Yellow-Green first came into his life and Orange thought at the time that it was really obvious that Yellow-Green was into him, but Orange overlooked this because of his glances and interest in what he thought was his new "The One" named Red-Orange which really over ran anything else. But of course due to Orange's awesome luck in the field of love (as outlined above) that didn't work out and Orange then started feeling out the possibility of Yellow-Green (like the desperate fool he seemed to be.) Yellow-Green is definately not Orange's ideal hue... but he wondered if that was just aestetically and decided that he was better than that and he should at least get to know her and see what he could learn about her. And wouldn't you know it, Orange had quite a lot in common with Yellow-Green... and although they had only recently met and Orange felt he didn't really know her still he easily got wrapped up again and then shifted interests to Yellow-Green's direction... but as luck would have it (or maybe as a lesson in karma to Orange) this is exactly when Yellow-Green started showing signs of uninterest and actually turning Orange down on his attempts to further connect with her. Not to say that it's still not impossible for Orange to get together with Yellow-Green but as I said he was only back in his homeland for a couple of months and then returning to his new land where he can continue his following his given direction in life. The another ironic thing is that even though Orange is leaving to his far off land, Yellow-Green is making her first trip into the unknown shortly after in an attempt to find her own direction for later life... and athough her new land is not the same as Orange's they are neighboring territories... so not to give any false hope to any of you readers but Yellow-Green and Orange have made plans to meet up in the future traveling to each others new lands. But Orange has accepted as he should have that he and Yellow-Green may never be anything more than friends and understands that maybe he just seemes to go crazy with his "Rose-Colored Glasses" on... Now unfortuntely there is no happy ending to this story for Orange. Maybe it's Orange's fault or just his bad luck but Orange will have to keep wandering through life till he can meet that one hue that is perfect for him and cares for his hue just as much as he her, but you know that's not why one should live exculsively and even though Orange has a problem removing his tinted glasses he shouldn't be living just to find this abstract idea we call love. Not exactly how I wanted to end it but I guess it'll due for the first draft or maybe just the first part... who knows... so, why did I just spend all this time writing this story over a few hours instead of packing like I should have? I dunno I guess it's just driven by a few things if you haven't heard yet I've totally gotten my ass kicked by the movie 500 Days of Summer a few times now and though it hurts I really do enjoy it far more than I thought was possible and it's safe to say the movie crosses my mind daily lately... and a good quote from it is that the best way to get over a girl is to turn her into literature that and the lyric that "I read with every broken heart we should become more adventerous" so mostly these two quotes really are the reason for this long story, though I've had the idea to do this for a while now... it seems, I just never got around to it. But yeah a hell of a lot of stuff going on in my life lately and what is the one subject that seems to consume my thoughts lately? a girl ironic yet again. So yeah this is an attempt to get the ol' head back on straight again, lord knows with out it straight I don't think things will be starting off great with the new semester starting. Also I want to say that I apologize if anybody connected with this too hard or if you take offense to anythign you read here today that defiantely was not my intention ans I hope you all realize. Tags: color, friends, hue, life, love, story, vague
Current Location: Mission Viejo, CA
Current Mood: head spinning
Current Music: Rilo Kiley
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So my parents are out of town, I wasn't scheming to throw a party the second they took off or anything like that... infact it was kind of an after thought, I was looking forward to having some (sports-less) alone time and eating the things I want to eat for a week xD But being the social person I am, I love hanging out with friends and I feel like I always crash other peoples parties and never play host, not because I don't want to its just that situationally I never have the oppertunity really... So seeing the chance to have some friends over and have a good time I went for it...
Backtracking a bit, I have an old friend from about 3 years back which I never never get to see really but we've had fun conversations back and forth over myspace/aim/facebook since I met her... Katie (I think I wrote a lot more about her in a previous blog involving a krazy dream she had about me....) Well Katie apparently is becoming a nanny in Germany for two years and threw a party because she woudn't get to see any of her friends for all that time... well feeling like I really needed to go for whatever reason I went and it was really awkward.
I went with my cousin Julie, who offered to go with (cause we met Katie at the same time) and then help me out at my place afterwards in prepping for my party. Well... I had a feeling it would be kind of weird, I mean I didn't expect to know anyone there, I couldn't remember the last time I saw her, and I was pretty sure Katie didn't drink since the last time I saw her she had her sobriety date tattooed on her wrist... generally thats not something you drop... but just wanting to go anyways Julie and I went and boy I don't know what I was expecting but this definately wasn't it... After showing up and greeting and everything the house was full of like older people (family I assumed) and ton of children... which also shouldn't have suprised me Katie has always been good with children and she worked at the YMCA and similar places for like years and years. The food was like all vegetarian (woot!) with the exception of the sushi, but just a ton of awesome food like fruit and vegetable platters, freshly baked cookies, fresh lemonade, sushi, nuts, and trail mix... awesome bonus. But after grabbing a plate we noticed there were a lot more people our age out there so we went and chilled in the backyard and boy was that awkward... nobody knew anybody... just a ton of people who knew Katie from different times in her life... haha I can only laugh when thinking back on the situation but like everybody knew it was awkward including Katie to the point we all joked about it and everybody I met seemed pretty kool but I just had this feeling in the back of my head that just kept saying I hope my party that evening wasn't anywhere near as awkward as that! I've heard horror stories from people who invite different crowds of friends over to the same event but this really was like something I would do... in my mind if everyone knows and is kool with me then they should be kool with each other too! Unfortunately that's not always the case... but it works better than communism! Anyways I guess I thought about my party because I invited a couple different groups over and just don't see fault in that.
I think my party went conisderably better than that (hopefully others thought so too!) I feel bad cause my closest friends the group from here that I've known the longest arent much of social party people really (and a bunch of them had work so they couldnt drink much or had to leave early) Like Kevin was kool no problem but I felt like Will just kinda sat back and didn't talk to anyone :\ I realize not everyone is a social as me I just hope everybody had a good time. The weirdest thing happened that night though.... This was way later in the night and I was very drunk by this time.... A bunch of people who were Rob's brother Tim's friends came over and in that group two people showed up a guy and a girl and they introduced themselves as "DJ" and "Michelle" or something like that anyways but almost instantly dispite my very drunken state I reccognized the girl and was like... "Wait, are you Tara?" Turns out she gave me a fake name just to see if I would recognize her... and honestly I have no Idea how I did...
Tara was one of my first friends... she was the girl I was into before I knew how to be into girls she was always a short mousey girl who lived up the street from me and was usually in my classes all through elementary school. One of my fondest memories of Tara (and I told her this last night...) was that when I was very young my parents would never let me see Jurassic Park because the news deemed it too scary for children.. this was the most tragic event in my young life because I was VERY into dinosaurs... I will never forget Tara inviting me over to her house to watch Jurassic Park for the first time xD Ironically she doesn't remember the day at all. By the end of elementary school we grew distant (hormones and puberty and such) and I don't remember ever seeing her after that until yesterday (she apparently went to a different High School) Turns out she's back in town just for her big sister's wedding (who I also remember) and she has been living in the Netherlands for like 2 years... She only just met this DJ guy on a layover and you could see they had a real connection it was really kool. But I guess they saw the crowd of people outside my place (there was a ton of people over... but not the one girl I really wanted to show ironically) and went over to see if they could bum a smoke when they heard my name "Dan" mentioned and when asking if it was "Dan Koskie" thowing the party they decided to see if I would recongnize her. And she looks like completely different than I would have imagined... tall and beautiful she still has such a cute smile! But I think it goes with Kenny's theory from earlier in the summer when we ran into my first major crush (who had recently gotten married) at Rubio's fish tacos he theorized that since we all are aging at the same rate (we're all the same age) we can recognize each other dispite being super different looking than we used to and not seeing each other in years and years... it stil amazes me soooo much!
Basically when I figured out who she was I was entranced and wanted nothing else the rest of the night than to talk to these 2 strangers and learn more about them xD (blame it on the alcohol) DJ is a really kool guy... we talked the rest of the night about a lot of stuff just great conversation all around but the one thing I really remember about the whole thing was talking about Bob Dylan... Who maybe you don't know but I really can't stand. I think he's an amazing song writer but his voice has historically bugged the hell out of me to the point where I can't listen to his music at all... but I explained all this and if I rememebr right DJ was saying how he was like one of his favorite songwriters of all time... I instantly busted out a cd compilation of his greatest hits my dad bought a while back and asked him to reccomend a song for me and after laughing he reccomeded "tangled up in blue" and I said awesome an that I was defiantely going to listen to it the next day. Well did and sure enough it's a great song. The and the first stanza of lyrics really remind me of Tara it's kind of ridiculous...
And now (pretty much all day) I'm just taken back by how strange life can be sometimes... people just walk in and out of your life... it just doen't make sense sometimes... to understand is just something monks and God can do...
Now I'm just sitting here listening to Bob Dylan and spinning... tangled up in blue :) Tags: adventure, alcohol, bob dylan, friends, friendship, life, party, summer, weird
Current Location: United States, California, Mission Viejo
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: U2/Bob Marley/Bob Dylan
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So its time for me to talk about something that I'm sure none of you have thought about (and possibly even care about) but I think about every single day... What Dan is eating. And let me start by saying that yesterday I went to see the movie Food, Inc. and I can see how many of you would think that all of this is a direct result of seeing this movie but I assure you its actually quite the opposite... I went to see the movie because I've been thinking about this so much lately. So what is Dan eating? Lets start back a bit, three years ago I never thought I would ever be anything close to a vegetarian... Three years ago I also weighed 300 pounds. I can't say exactly when I decided to change the way I was living but basically I started getting chest pains and at 19 years of age that's probally the scariest thing I've ever felt. So deciding that I wanted to live to see myself at 25 I decided that I needed to change something... the first thing I changed was my diet. So I looked at what I was eating on a regular basis and I realized that I was eating (at least!) 4 hamburgers a week, most of them not just a hamburger but the latest bacon double cheese whatever often from multiple fast food places... I don't think I didn't know it wasn't good for me I just think I didn't care. I've always (for as long as I can remember) a very liberal view of what I ate and dieting thinking that I'd just shorten my life worrying about it so I was better off being happy and just eating whatever I wanted. Not too hard to see how I got to 300 pounds now is it? Well if that wasn't enough I realized that I had absolutely no idea what it was like to eat a meal with out stuffing myself until I physically could not eat another bite... every single meal. So even when I would eat my mother's somewhat healthy (or way healthy compared to all the drive through food) dinners I would gorge myself what I can now see as a really discusting manner. Eating made me happy (or what I thought was happy) and so that's what I did... a lot. I realize now that eating carefree is not the same thing as eating happily. So to change things I decided to start eating a lot more white meat... it sounded simple enough I honestly have never been a big beef eater... A steak is good for special occasions, ribs are waaaay too much effort for such little meat and it's such a mess! I used to make fun of my brother when we were a kids and he used to just order "hamburger" every single place we went to eat but eventually I became obsessed with the image of a Bacon Cheese Burger with A1 steak sauce being the ultimate dinner... one that's incredibly hard to screw up and tastes pretty much the same anywhere you get it... funny how be become the things we criticize. I limited myself to one hamburger a week and decided to pretty much eat chicken whenever eating out and not worry about whatever mom makes. Around this same time I decided to start taking walks around the neighborhood both to get some physical excercise and to work out a lot of stuff I needed to deal with in my head (and sometimes just to get out of my household.) Now it started as not much... 30-40 minute walks around the neighborhood like once a week during the evenings and these simple walks really kicked my ass. I can laugh at it now but I'd come back from a 30 minute walk around the housing track breaking a huge sweat with pains in places I had no idea could even hurt! But wouldn't you know I started to see a difference... and that excited me. Very quickly I lost 5-10 pounds and this sparked something inside me... I was doing something right I just needed to keep it up! Around this time I was very obsessed with Anime and anything Japanese Culture one of my favorites of this time of my life was he game Dance Dance Revolution and I knew from a few years back that this game was much more than a game and could quickly be used as a form of excersize and could easily kick my fat butt with out much hesitation at all! So loving the game already and seeing it as another (fun) way to get my excersise I started DDRing on a regular basis not for long at first just like 20 minutes but eventualy working that up and the best part was it didn't seem liike work it was fun! After adding DDR into the lineup and walking like 3 times a week I saw 25 pounds go down the drain in like about 6 months and that was awesome... because people dont notice you losing (or gaining) 5 or 10 pounds but people notice 20 pounds in a heart beat... and that kind of praise and complements I recieved was a good feeling... it was a sign that this all was working and something I should keep up. But despite all those complements I saw myself as fat still and thats really who I wanted to impress... myself. We are always our own harshest critic.
I'm going to jump a head a bit and summarize now a bit because I didn't keep track of how exactly I changed what I did over the past 3 years... things went up and down repeatedly... I didn't follow any diet or plan and most of it was personal experimentation. Basically though I eventually fell in to a routine where I was doing an hour of exercise a day... either and hour of DDR or an hour of walking during the evening. And this alone worked pretty well to a point no with out much other changes in the diet... besides eventually dropping the 1 hamburger a week and just eating chicken when I went out. However I am not such a person to go do more than an hour of exersice a day... that just seems wasteful and somewhat boring (remember I also am doing it for the time in my head and for my own peace of mind) and I know plenty of people who don't diet at all but will run miles and miles on the tread mill or around a track but I am not one of those people. So as things started slowing weightloss wise and as I refused to work more of a workout into my daily life I decided to look again at what I was eating... so over these past 3 years a major event for me every year has been lent. This Roman Catholic holiday (for whatever reason) has always been a tradition around my household... for those of you who don't know you're suposed to give up something that you partake in or do very often that isn't neccisary AND every friday during lent all good Catholics are suposed to refrain from eating meat with the exception of fish during these 6 weeks every spring. MY family has always combined these two into one and just celebrated it by not eating any meat (except fish) during the whole lental season essentially becoming pescatairian for a month and a half... I really don't know I think its just some thing my Dad came up with years and years ago and they've done it ever since. Now it being a personal choice I never have to do this but in the past I've often chosen to do it with them because it's well kind of fun... and wouldn't you know? I saw more weight come off when I was celebrating this pescatarian lifestyle. Now 3 years ago I didn't think much about it... My parents would only make meatless dishes while I was at home and I would just have to remember to order fish when I went out with my friends... I went away to college 2 years ago and decided to try it again with out the aid of mom's home cooking and yes it was harder but not that much harder.... just choose fish when I went out and pick from the tasty (or sometimes tasteless) vegetarian dishes offered at my school's Dining Commons every day... honestly not as hard as I thought it was going to be! This last year I decided to take up the pescatarian thing again for lent because I was cooking for myself every day in my kitchen in my appartment and NOBODY would be making dishes for me and now that sounded like a challege... and in truth it was... but it was a fun challenge :) Lent ends and my parents are up North visiting for Easter (day after lent) and instead of our usual ham or polish sausage Easter dinner we go out to mexican food and I have the strange sensation not to have some form of meat but just keep the eating habits I was doing... I've been eating super healthy.. really good food that I prepared every day and honestly I didn't miss the meat! So why go back? I kept eating the same way the rest of the year with very limited exceptions (pretty much I had chicken twice the rest of the year after that and both times they were nothing special and I felt like going back to eating the meat wasn't worth it. A major event was immediately after I get back home we have a party at my home for my brother's graduation... my mom makes all of this awesome mexican food (what she's best at) and its all great... but I decide to test the waters and try some of the chicken that looks so good and tempting... I make myself 1 taco out of the chicken and that's all I eat... meat wise and it is amazing... I clearly rememeber thinking "well okay this I'd go back to eating meat for..." and woudn't you know that night I got food poisoning (the only person at the whole huge party as far as I ever heard) and it's the sickest I've been in years... I was violently throwing up for the next 12 hours and that night is not one I will be forgetting for a long time... it truely felt like hell. But believe it or not I actually ate meat after that... not much but it puts me where I am at now.
My current diet consists of:
->No red meat (I honestly cant rememember the last time I had it and it actually just sounds rather disgusting everytime I think about it)
->No pork... I used to eat it thinking "oh it's white meat" well that whole "the other white meat" campaign is just a stupid scheme by the pork industry to make you think that the pork you're eating is healthy like chicken over beef when in fact pork can often be just as bad for you as beef.
->I basically refuse chicken all the time... it still sounds pretty good and apetizing but I choose not to because honestly I end up likeing the alternative meals I end up making instead loads more but basically I go untill I can't remember the last time I had chicken so pretty much like once or twice a month (and actually I think I'm approaching a whole month with out it now so that might change...)
-> and fish seems to be out of convienence It's extremely lean so I don't have a problem keeping up the pescatarian thing and eating fish once or twice a week (often when there's no veggie option in a place I'm at to eat...) The funny thing is though that I eat the most fish out of all the meats and I'm not even a huge fan of fish I've never been... I just find that amusing.
In the end I'm rather happy with this lifestyle but it seems to be at a transitioning point and I seem to be at a crossroads (or just not completely decided on what I should eat or shouldnt eat in the end.) which turns out to be the actual reason for this whole megazord of a blog...
"SO WHAT DO YOU EAT!?" Every vegetarian is sick to hell of hearing that question but the answer is "EVERYTHING ELSE!" Belive it or not there is TONS of food you can consume besides meat! I mean I think most people dont realize that the "food pyramid" a generally excepted standard of how to have a balanced diet does not have meat as the pillar its all based around... no meat or protien is actually closer to the top of the pyramid in the 2-3 servings a day catagory oposed to the vegitables at 3-5 or bread and grains with 6-11 servings a day... now I can easily get enough protien in a day with out the aid of meat and anyone who wants to try and use the pyramid against me better be eating 5 servings of vegetables a day... something most americans fail at completely.
The crossroads I stand at is where to go with my diet... I just want to make up for myself ultimately what I will or won't eat because right now I'm honestly still figuring that out, because there's a lot of options and a lot of things that work for different people... Do I go Vegan? For those of you who might not know (belive me some people have no idea) Vegan's refrain from anything that comes from an animal... no milk no cheese... no leather! No honestly I do care about animal rights and all the reasons Vegans do what they do but not enough to change my lifestyle completely... I got into this whole thing for health reasons to begin with and I often see vegans who aren't eating properly (despite what they think.) (and I do love cheese a lot!) But for the past month (again with the experimentations) I've been eating vegan one day outta the weekk just to try it (and honestly it's not as bad as a lot of you guys would think!) But honestly I don't think you guys will see me go strict Vegan unless I am diagnosed with cancer in the future because of all thes stuff I've read about that lately... (another topic, another post) Similarly I highly respect the strict Rastafarian Jamaican Diet of "Ital." Bascially the "Jamaicanized" version of the english work "Vital," Ital is putting into your body only that which is natural. No preserved foods, no fried foods just good wholesome food, with no meat no drugs no alcohol no tobacco but plenty of the natural weed ganja ironically enough. Now I do have problems with the worshiping of an herb (the main reason I am not a rasta actually) but I do really belive that if you eat only that what is natural and good for your body you will be healthier full of energy and all around a better person! Don't believe me? Try it for yourself for a week! ;) And the other option is go completely vegetarian.... no more meat, no more fish just eating good everything else! and honestly lately this sounds more appealing all the time. (expecially while hanging out with people like Lindsey who is vegan more) and the complete extreme of being around my brother who to this day eats 2 hamburgers at least a day.... freaking genes! But the major thing for me I guess is that I don't really want to change what I'm eating just to fit under a title or a label....and there is a ton... pescatarian... latctotarian, ovotarian, vegan, ital, semi-vegetarian, psudo-vegetarian... I used to say that I wasn't a vegetarian but I just didn't eat meat... (cause of what people think of when they think about vegetarians xD) but lately I've just been saying I'm "kind of a vegetarian" which most people get the point and I can dive in further if they care...
WHERE I'M AT NOW:
I'm good, I'm happy, I'm happier than I've ever been! AND I want to be happier... (hence the huge contemplative blog) Nutrition and Eating healthy is kind of additing as you get into it you find out how awesome it really is and wand to see what you can do to be better! I weighed in at 181 pounds this week which brings my total weight loss to almost 120 pounds... I am no longer fat... I'm no longer over weight I am average for the first time in my life since elemetary school! And I honestly can't descrive how good that feels.... I really never want to go back to the way I was living. The whole stirct vegetarian thing (not vegan) sounds really tempting right now if nothing else becasue of how you never feel weighed down when you're not eating meat! You don't get a food coma or need a nap after every meal in fact quite the opposite if you fill up eating like a vegetarian then you have more energy and are more active and wanting to do something uposed to sitting on the couch! Which is honestly how I believe eating should be... food is energy, fuel you shouldn't have to take a nap after every meal just so your body can slow down enough to break down the feast you just stuffed down into your stomach! At the same time though I'm still crossed Chicken is good... it's one of my favorite things to eat... but likewise the lunch I had yesterday at the (vegan) Veggie Grill resturant and The imitation chicken I just had for dinner tonight (also vegan) from trader joes proves that they can make a chicken substitute that is pretty much perfect in texture and almost identical in taste to fill any cravings one might get (which have becoming increasingly infrequent btw) So in the end I don't have an answer... I contiune to experiment and try things and learn which curious little me finds the best part of this whole thing. I do reccomend everyone go see Food, Inc. it was very informative and yet fun and interesting at the same time! And if youre scared of going to see it because you might become a vegetarian or something (believe me I heard this...) well let me tell you that one of the movie makers first lines in the movie is that to this day he belives the ultimate meal is a hamburger and that he continues to eat them. This guy... Michael Pollan is the best selling author of "The Omnivore Delima" and really if you're scard that someones going to "scare" you into being a vegetarian maybe you forgot that YOU decide what you eat... and no one else. In furthering my reasearch on the subject I actually just picked up Michael Pollan's newest book which is about how we should eat no imitation food but just real food... as real as we can get it so who knows... maybe I'll find some answers to my questions in here? I dunno only the future will tell... happy eating everybody! (too be continued...?) Tags: diet, fat, food, lent, life, michael pollan, vegan, vegetarian, weight
Current Location: United States, California, Lake Forest
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Rise Against/Anti-Flag
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Yes a heart will always go one step too far Come the morning and the four corners I see What the moral of the back story could be Come with me, go places And a heart will always stay one day too long Always hoping for the hot flashes to come For the glue to dry on our new creation Come with me, go places Come head on, full circle Our arms fill with miracles Play hearts, kid, they work well Like classics play aces Stay with me, go places Once more for the ages Yes a heart should always go one step too far Come the morning and the day winding like dreams Come the morning every blue shade of green Come with me, go places Come head-on, full circle Our arms fill with miracles Play hearts, kid, they work well Like magic, play aces Stay with me, go places Once more for the ages Come one now, come all ye This story breaks free here Tales from the back pages From somewhere, Encida Deus ex machina Good morning, Christina Come head on, full circle Our path blocked but sure we'll Make records, then set them Make copies, win races Stay with me, go places Once more for the ages "Go Places" - The New Pornograpahers ( (more thoughts concerning recent events...) )Tags: atheism, god, life, love, new pornographers, prayer, religion, song
Current Location: My room
Current Mood:  thoughtful
Current Music: New Pornographers, Decemberists
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So... I totally met the love of my life last night. and I can totally say this because it turned out to be a damn missed connection, lol. Let's start from the begining shall we? THE INTRO... Last Sunday I went to a concert that blew my mind and was totally amazing, okay most people know about that.... (I freaking couldnt shut up about it for like 3 days afterwards) The part only my buddy Arrow Knows about, after the concert I'm sky high on seventh heaven (as per usual directly after a concert) and as were making our way outta the crowded as hell Hollywood Bowl people are handing out shit "take this and thow it away for me" as I like to think about it! (reaaaally common practice at concerts) and most people just ingnore them or just take it from them to throw on the ground 2 seconds later... I however take a look at the stuff for futre concerts and stuff I might be into... and I was just telling my buddy Arrow that I hate how usually its all flyers now-a-days I used to get free cds or stickers all the time in these types of situations and just as I say that I'm looking at one of the flyers and it was like "win free tickets to a concert" which I ignored... and more inportantly "go to our website for free mp3's" and I was like "Now we're talking!" I completely forgot about it except that I stuck that specific flyer in my sketchbook and the rest I just threw away at the bottom of the hill by the parking lot. DAYS LATER... I'm sitting around on my comp looking for something to inspire me (really common lately) and out drops this flyer from my sketchbook... I go okay lets get some free music! (something I'm always down for) it takes me to a website and to get the downloads you gotta drop an email and get a code and right below it its like "win free tickets" same thing just drop an email and I figure well... they're getting my email anyways what's it gonna hurt right? I didnt even check when the concert was figuring I had work or something I'd just say whatever they're free tickets it's not hurting anyone! as luck would have it I got the free tickets and the music was awesome sounding so I was like... hmmm okay let's do this... concert turned out to be Friday night in LA and as with my usual group here back home is not much for concerts at all I'd totally have no body to go with (I used to go to concerts with my brother for lords sake!) BUT I just went to this concert with my buddy Arrow and he had expressed intrest in doing it again sometime (though I'm sure he never dreamed I'd hit him up with in the same week lol!) So I called him up and was like "I totally got free tickets to a show I don't know the bands at but this one chick is freaking kool, you wanna go?" and he was like "uh... well... sure... why not!" haha and that really made my week! THE DAY OF... I called him and made roughly the same plans we did for the previous concert (involving me driving to Glendora where his house is to pick him up and then driving to LA from there) which was totally different from the previous concert cause last time it took me under 45 minutes to get to his place from mine (on a Sunday afternoon) and this time (a Friday afternoon) It took me almost 2 hrs X_X <--Me baking in the sun the whole time while traffic inched the whole way there.... but that was probablly the worst time of the day (and totally worth it in retrospect) after that traffic cleared up I picked him up and we went for dinner at this little mexican resturant he reccomended which was awesome and we got some kool chat up time... then we made it to LA from Glendora in record time with like no traffic at all (figures everybody's leaving LA right?) and we made it there and payed 10 lousy bucks for parking (gotta love LA) and then we went to the venue and despite traffic earlier and planning on getting there a bit late by eating dinner and everything we made it there like early like 15 minutes after the doors opened and like 15-20 minutes before the first band went on... and thats where I first saw her. She got there like right after we did like right next to us and I noticed her (as I do most atractive people of the opposite sex anywhere I go...) But I didn't think much about it and just went inside after we got our tickets from the Will Call. ONCE INSIDE... I we were standing there dawdling and checking out the inside of the very impressive theater and standing on the red carpet just looking around as there was like nobody there yet except a few groups of people off to the sides of the theater. And I remember my friend Arrow saying something along the lines of "we shoudl introduce ourselves to girls our age cause there isn't many here..." (obviously indicating the girl who walked in right next to us and was now standing rather near to us.... to which I shrugged off whith a "yeah seriously" looking around at how most of the people inside were all waaaaaaay older than us and belonging to the typical "clubbing scene" you would find inside any club/bar in LA/Hollywood. BUT I All the middle standing room was completely vacant so we just stood there looking around until one of the ushers shoo'd us away saying we had to be away from a nearly invisible line on the carpet cause we were "blocking the fire exits" psh whatever... and so I was like so we should just find some place to sit down on the sides. And watching the girl who apparently just got told the same thing minutes earlier headed to seemingly the only big vacant bunch of seats along the sides which was across the theater convinently I said something to arrow like "great now its gonna look like we're stalking her" and I dont think her heard me but I decided to follow her anyways cause there really wasnt much other places to go sit... and we sat like a few seats away from her (as not to be awkward) and waited and talked for the first band to start... so me and Arrow talked for a bit but we kinda just go to the point of just sitting there and jamming to the backround music (as Arrow's quiet guy I kinda feed off of that energy and just chill out around those kinda people) THE MOVE... I think all of this was after the first band but I didnt really pay attention (cause people around us were constantly moving and more people eventually started showing up... then she sits down on the otherside of us (my side lol) and only like 2 chairs away (cause people moving around on either sides of us) and I noticed she had a drink now (contents unknown still to this day) which explained her moving and getting up and what not. I did all the usual checks at this point... no rings on any of the fingers (trust me I've learned my lesson by now) and she came alone so weighed my options back and forth but since she came alone I figured she was relitvely safe... but of course I got cold feet as usual. But pretty much since she was so close I just kept telling myself this was an oppertunity to introduce myself... but I kept going back and forth about it in my head thingking of the "right words to say" and debating the creepyness it could come off as because I don't ever do this sort of thing truthfully... but eventually this song came on in the backround and I totally took it as a sign. "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure nothing in the song particularly fitting for the situation (besides being one of my favorite love songs of all time) but Ironically this song had been my song Obsession for the past week straight (I usually obsess over like single songs for a couple of days at a time and during that time I listen to them waaaay more than I should) but basically Im re-organizing the CD's in my car right now so in the mean time I just grab a couple of CD's from my library to jam to on my way to work and back... and The Cure's Greatest Hits is one of those CD's I love to death but this song specifically struck me this week and I kept finding myself going back to it and playing it over and over again to and from work all week lol lame I know but that's me... but this song comes on in the back round at the theater and well its actually a different version of it which I'd never heard before but its like more lounge sounding and really kool (I have no idea how to find out what version this is... or how to add it to my collection!) but I see this as some kind of cosmic sign to just stop worrying about it and say something so... (after my favorite verse in the song is over) I lean over and say "So I feel obligated to introduce myself as you're one of the few people our ages in this place... I'm Dan, and this is Aaron" *smile/handshake* she finds this cute or amusing or something and then flashes me the cutest smile I've seen in a while and shakes my hand and tells me her first name. TALKING... I started with some kind of awkward small talk and found out she didn't know any of the bands either but she won tickets from the same artist I did and as her "other plans for the night fell through" she decided to just go to the show cause she lives really close actually) I asked her if she was a student or what and she said something about being "obviously way older than you think I am" and it turns out she was right, despite her beauty and youthful appearance she was 29 and I was really suprised but she took it as a major complement and laughed about it but I insisted we weren't that far appart cause I was 22 and Arrow was 24 *shrugs* she took it well so thats good... haha. Anyways I then find out she is an Animator. And my Jaw drops. Wtf. Wait say that again? No freaking way. What are the chances....!? Turns out she's a Stop-motion animator for Cartoon Network and ROBOT FREAKING CHICKEN!!! My head is ready to explode thinking about the chances of the girl I approaching at a concert turning out to be an animator... but this starts us really talking almost non stop about anything and everything and I gotta say we really hit it off well. We would sit during the different acts and then when they were over we would keep talking between acts about misc. stuffs and common interests and stuff. Heres the limited breakdown of topics: Common bands/music we both like, She's a big Harry Potter fan, talk about tattoo's and art personally, where she grew up, moving to LA, her family, concerts we'd been to, working as an animator and just loving it, audiobooks, we coverd my love for Vampires and she's a Pirate! Totally awesome. I feel kinda bad because as we were talking I kinda had my back to Arrow the whole time to talk to her and I really do feel bad about that (I appologized later that night for the record, but he said it was totally kool and understandable) but eventually the act we came to see (and we got the tickets from) came up and I could tell Arrow wanted to get up and stand for her in the standing area and watch the show so when she came on I kind of abruptly got up and said something about going up to watch the show to her and I half expected her to follow me up but she kinda hesitated (she did get up though...) and that's the last I saw of her as I went into the crowd. The show was amazing and the singer Leerone was amazing, she was better live than on the mp3s I got or the videos I found on Youtube (NOTE: CHECK HER OUT!) Really great show and at the end of it I was left wanting more (which is a totally kool thing..) but afterwards I looked around for my new friend and I coudn't find her anywhere... We hung out for a bit and then met the singer and bought her CD (all the while looking for the girl) but she wa no where to be found and I really felt kind down :( because I thought there was like 2 more bands giving me a couple more intermissions to talk and get a facebook or a phone number of even a damn last name! Jeez! but she was gone = sad Dan. I noticed my sudden change of attitiude and tried not to let it affect me as I kept searching to no avail :\ me and Arrow then decided to take off cause the next band didn't look like anything special and I was invited to a house party back home by some newer friends (one of which totally keeps bugging me to come by... yeah I think she has a crush on me but I'm not sure how I feel about that...) We head home and go to the party, which I tried to keep in high spirits (which I'd say I did pretty well) and I can all but for sure say that this other girl totally has something for me as she insisted I gave her a hug and thew a fit when I played around with it and said I got plenty of other hugs so *shrug* and the mention of my "harem" in San Jose (thanks Julie lol) also really set her off... man when did I become such a ladyslayer? Well let's not get too caught up though at the end of the day I'm still single and lonely :\ RANT... So but seriously right? What are the chances of this whole chain of events at the concert? I really don't understand you God. (As I've said many times before...) All day today I've been kinda down about the fact I couldn't get a number or a full name or even say 'good bye' before losing her... :\ which bugs me cause I can tell, obviously but I can't help it that cute smile just keeps creeping into my mind! So since this morning (I got up really early, cause it was hot as hell in my room) this all has been bugging me.... but I ranted to a couple of close friends about this whole thing and though I feel bad about it all I really can't help myself from thinking about it/feeling down about it. All is not lost though right? If you've been following along through this crazy long blog post story of true events (or if you're any good at mystery novels) then you can tell that there is an option for me... I know a first name and I know she is an animator on Robot Chicken... This kinda distrurbs me too because it feels really stalkerish to me but I knew since last night that I could look at the credits for the show for her first name and it wouldn't be hard to find out her full name and then look for her on Facebook... after some proding from Laura (thanks btw) I do this and look on FB where there's like 3 people with that exact name I've narrowed it down that it could be all with out locations on their FB's and with photo's of misleading things like baby photos and pictures of dogs... *sheez* so I decide to send a messege to like the 3 subjects just saying "I'm sorry if this is bold or stalkerish but I really can't stop thinking about your smile, here's how I found you, I'm looking for this girl I met at a concert and if this is not you just disregard it!" And of course as of when I strated this huge blog there has been no response all day from any of them (keep in mind it could be none of them) and she could just be creeped out and go okay thats werid he found me? "wtf no response" As you can probablly tell I've thought about this a lot today... :\ But I am really just wondering what it all means? Is it destiny? "As God Demands In The End We Miss" I mean I am a friendly nice social person so I get a long with most people but in the short time we talked I feel like we really clicked and I don't know that I've ever felt this kind of a connection with a person in such a short amount of time talking! But yeah the big thing is I don't know what else to do cause I'd love to persue further but I already feel like some kind of creepy stalker person and I dont usually do this sort of thing if you know me and you're reading this you know that. But I do want to talk to her again and I don't know where that line of bold moves vs. creepy stalker lies... (does anyone for that matter?) *shrugs* I dunno I just dont know... For fear that I've already lost everone of my friends here who would read this but gave up because it's only interesting to me I'm going to stop here and go back to thinking/listening to music.... Tags: band, chance, concert, girls, leerone, life, love, missed conections, music, rock
Current Location: My hot as hell room... *fans self*
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Bat for Lashes/Metric/Leerone
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